Before I'm Dead
by FreyaHamilton
Summary: The would be SeeD is a sorceress, but to what level will her powers reach with certain boosts in place?
1. Restraints

**_Before I'm dead  
A fanfiction by FreyaHamilton_**

**Artist: Kidney Thieves  
Song: Before I'm Dead **

Moon hangs around  
A blade over my head  
Reminds me what to do before I'm dead  
Night consumes light  
And all I dread  
Reminds me what to do before I'm dead

The sun reclines  
Eats my mind  
Reminds me what to leave behind  
Light eats night  
And all I never said  
Reminds me what to do before I'm…

To see you  
To touch you  
To see you  
To touch you

Epochs fly, reminds me  
What I hide, reminds me  
The desert skies  
Cracks the spies  
Reminds me what I never tried  
The ocean wide salted red  
Reminds me what to do before I'm…

To see you  
To touch you  
To feel you  
To tell you

The sun reclines - remind me  
The desert skies - remind me  
The ocean wide salted red  
Reminds me what to do before I'm…

Echo:  
See you  
Touch you  
Feel you  
Tell you...

Chapter One

Mortal. I was so pitifully mortal when things started to get rough.

It was twenty years after the brush with sorceress Ultimecia.Mr. Leonheartwas still the headmaster of Balamb Garden, and had been for as long as I could remember. His wife, Rinoa (as she had us call her), had taken over the infirmary, and was doing a rather enthusiastic job of healing the various ailments of the students. Everyone loved her. Ms. Selfie was in charge of the festivities of the Garden, and mr.Dincht was in charge of the cafeteria. Another man, Irvine Kineas, was always wandering around the Garden, but no one really knew what he was doing. Mrs. Trepe may as well have been the head instructor, because she certainly gave out most of the orders. No one liked Mrs. Trepe much.

I was training to be a SeeD under Seifer Almassy, a boy who had been eighteen since I had come to the garden at age five. Mrs. Trepe favored me from the rest of the students, so she promoted the idea that I get my SeeD liscence, I suppose they called it, earlier than the rest of the students. I was only sixteen at the time, but very talented with dual pistols, and the gunblade Seifer (he refused to let me call him 'Mr. Almassy') so favored.

I didn't even understand what it was I was training for, really, or else I would never have even tried. I had no desire to be a hired mercenary, and I especially didn't want to be a force to keep rising sorceresses at bay.

I was one.

I'd heard many stories from the conversational man who acted as my mentor about the last time sorceresses rose. There had been four of them. Ultimecia, Rinoa, Edea, and Ellone. I was told that their powers went in that order. He said I would need the information for the written exam, but he seemed fond of going into his memories, and giving me the first hand account, and then adding, "But they won't have that in the history books. Stick to being politically correct."

How was I supposed to seperate the truth from what the books said?

Either way, I passed the exam with ease, something Squall's entire team delighted in telling me. Looking at Rinoa that night, I couldn't imagine her ever being in a sorceress position. She was so sweet, so innocent. In fact, I couldn't even see her holding a weapon. A needle in her hand was fearsome enough for her.

But Seifer swore up and down that she was a powerful sorceress, and quite frankly, I believed Seifer over my better judgement. He'd always been trustworthy. He was there when I was in pain, and he gave me advice when I needed it. He took my revenge when I couldn't, or wouldn't do it myself. He seemed to hate my enemies more than even I did, and he was too handsome to deny.

Yes, I was very easy to woo, and Seifer Almassy, a thirty eight year old that looked like he was still eighteen, had become my latest obsession.

During my SeeD field test, the sorceress in me decided to rise. I was in the middle of a battle with two of my superior comrads by my side when I suddenly felt very dizzy. My legs went out from under me as my stomach felt as if it was being torn in two. I attempted to move out of the way, but I had not enough energy, and by the time I realized what was happening, I was on the ground, a wendigo groping at me in an attempt to curl me into a ball to throw at my confused allies.

I don't know what happened next. I went out like a light. My friends told me that I rose as if drawn by puppet strings, and destroyed the offending monster with a spell they had never seen before. They said that after that I went through the city, each enemy, even the hidden ones, exploding in my passing. They said that it was Seifer who stopped me, and brought me back to the infirmary, where I woke.

After that, my friends didn't talk to me again, deciding correctly that I was a sorceress. Needless to say I failed the exam, but Seifer claimed he was just glad I was back safe. Mrs. Trepe had a completely different story, nearly screaming at me in the infirmery room about loosing control of God knows what, but Rinoa, with the help of Headmaster Leonheart, and Mr. Kineas, dragged her out of my presense, leaving Seifer to comfort me, and to make me laugh with his not-very-nice musings about the instructor.

They kicked me out of school, though, Headmaster Leonheart said it much more gently, and sent me to Winhill for 'safe keeping'. With me came only Seifer, and Irvine. Everyone else had jobs to do. We stayed in Ellone's very haunted house. She tried to council me on my growing powers, as the weakening and the pain was happening more often now, but she wasn't helping much.

Irvine went back to the Garden regularly to report to the officials how my progress was going, as Seifer had said "To hell with Balamb Garden," and had continued to train me dispite my apparent expulsion. It came to a point where Seifer was with me at all times, except, of course, when I slept, and even then he was in the next room over. I used to dream that he had his ear to the door, listening to see if I was traversing the halls. If it wasn't such an extreme concept, I wouldn't have been surprised. He always caught me when I tried to sneak out.

My obsession grew noticeably stronger as I learned that Seifer seemed to be the only one able to stop the pain when I lost control. Suddenly, I didn't mind his constant presense so much, and when he corrected my gunblade posture, all I could do was smile, and try to hold the correction.

The town people were very nice to us, having been told that I was a distant cousin of Ellone's. Everyone loved Ellone so much, and she attended old fashioned get togethers that bored me to tears daily. They would sit and talk about methods of baking pies, and cakes. By the joy in Ellone's eyes we could all tell that she enjoyed the talks, but I absolutely loathed them. I was forced to attend for the first two weeks or so, but after that Seifer started finding excuses to rescue me. The most common being that I had skipped my training that morning, and needed to train now, or never.

For a while, we would actually train during that time, but after quite some time we grew weary of the extra training sessions, and would sit on the cliff, and simply talk.

Irvine started coming back less and less often until a simple phone call sufficed, he would gather my progress from Seifer, and sometimes even I. My talking to anyone but Seifer, and Ellone became rare. The residents of Winhill steadily became less friendly toward me, and we seemed to reach a compromise. I wouldn't bother them if they wouldn't bother me.

When I turned eighteen they started asking Ellone when my vacation there was going to end. I got tired of the town, often taking hours out of the day to stand at the gate and stare out at the rest of the world, knowing that I wasn't allowed to step out. In my years of life, I became less naive, and I realized that Seifer wasn't there to guide me, or to preserve my training, but to restrain me. To keep me there. I was a sorceress, and the Garden, SeeD,was keeping me secluded from the rest of the world.

I longed to see cities again. I longed to see the oceans of Balamb, and the sands of Esthar. I wanted to go into Julia's legendary Inn and lounge by the piano. I wanted more.

It was within these hours that I made my decision. I would rebel. I would do whatever I had to do to get out of this hell hole, and when I did I would wander the world dry. I would see everything, fight everything, know everything, taste everything, hear everything. I would take everything that had been denied to me, and I would love it.

* * *

**Authors Notes:** This is where I mention that Final Fantasy Eight, Any of its characters, or the song at the top of this page do not belong to me. This is also where I say that all reviews are welcome, especially the ones telling me my errors, so I may fix, or at least try to fix them. 


	2. To achieve Freedom

**Artist: Dry Cell  
Song: Body Crumbles**  
Finally recover and the mood is right  
looking up into a neon sky  
child in me takes over, cause it's been too long  
since the last time that I tried to fly

Finally I find when I lose control  
inside my body crumbles.  
it's my therapy for my broken soul  
inside my body crumbles

All I need's a moment, chance to get away  
from the stressfulness of every day  
know if I don't question then I never doubt  
and everything is gonna be okay

Finally I find when I lose control  
inside my body crumbles  
it's like therapy for my broken soul  
inside my body crumbles

I don't know if I'll be alright  
is it okay to be myself?  
(I don't know if I'll be alright)  
Why do we always have to fight  
now I know it's alright

finally I find when I lose control  
inside my body crumbles  
it's like therapy for my broken soul  
inside my body crumbles

Chapter Two

I stood at the gate of the city, my midnight hair moving only slightly in the gentle wind. I couldn't feel its push on my chest and stomach thanks to the steel 'blouse' I wore. It was died blue, but if the sun hit it just right, one could see green in it as well. I pushed my thin sunglasses farther up my small nose, as I had adopted the habit of wearing them low so people could see my deep blue eyes. The long blue gloves (the kind one would wear to a ball) on my hands weren't pulled all the way up to my arms, so they were ruffled. On one wrist was a silver bracelet I had 'charmed' to help keep the pains of struggling against sorceress-hood away for as long as possible. my boots were made of the same material as my shirt, and came to my knees, covering the majority of my tight black pants.A white headband ('borrowed' from Ellone) was in my hair, keeping all but the thick bangs out of my face, and a white beld adorned my waist. A necklace, charmed like the bracelet, rested around my neck, coming to about the middle of my chest with a rather large diamond inset in intricate silver. It had been a gift from Rinoa, who, in turn, had gotten it from Odine. My thick black eyelashes brushed against my sunglasses irritatingly as I stared out. Suddenly, I made my decision, and ran.

"Alexandra Belli!" Ellone yelled at the top of her lungs, catching my arm as I made a run for the fields. Somewhat stronger than she looked, she swung me around and sent be running into the village instead. Realizing that the tables had been turned, I stopped, and glared hard at her.

"I'm going to go whether you like it or not!" I piped, "You can't stop me!" I threw myself at her, or more, tried to. The moment I stepped off of my balance was the moment that Seifer had a firm hold of the back of my upper armor.

"Well this is a fine 'Good Morning'." He mused, restraining me easily despite the measurement of my struggling. He simply stood there, hand clamped over the died steel until I began to calm down. "Puts other 'not morning people' to shame, really."

"Let me go!" I roared, what calm had taken over me vanishing as quickly as Seifer had come. I began fighting with renewed force, and found, a bit to my satisfaction, that he had to take hold of one of my arms to keep me from successfully wrenching free of him. After a while of squirming, I grew weary, and weakened before I finally slowed to a stop, standing there in defeat.

"Now that you're calm," Ellone smoothed her dress as she often did when distressed, and then looked back at me, "What, exactly, was this escapade all about?"

I spit at her feet in stubborn response, earning a sharp jerk from Seifer, who had learned never to trust me to submit, and didn't let go of my armor. "What the hell is wrong with you!" He snapped, "You should be grateful to Elle for dealing with your sorry ass for this long!"

"Because she owes the headamaster a favor!" I retorted, "I'm not staying here, you hear me! I'm getting out of this hell hole of a village, and I'm going!"

Seifer laughed a little, making a point of letting go of me to do so. "Oh, is that what all this is about?" He responded effortlessly through the laughter, peering at me through the corner of his eyes as I stood with my arms crossed in a huff. I may have been eighteen years old, but I was sure as hell allowed to pout.

"Seifer!" Ellone cried, devastated, "This is serious!"

"Yeah," Seifer laughed, "About as serious as a kid claiming to hate its parents. It's natural, just let the kid rebel." He burst out into a new fit of laughter, as if calling me a kid was hilarious.

I felt the sudden urge to smack him.

"This -is- serious!" I argued, "I'm serious! I want out!" I began tapping my toe to add to the effect as he glanced at me again, and motioned toward the fields.

"Fine, go."

"Seifer!" Ellone shrieked.

Seifer shrugged, "But to what point and purpose, Alex? You've gotten weakduring all those hours you've spent at this damned gate. A damned -funguar- could kill you without a problem. You have no gil and, don't be fooled, no one will feed you for free. You'll be back here before the week's up."

"Seifer!" Ellone shrieked.

I scowled at him, crossing my arms stubbornly over my chest. I glanced at the fields, and then back at him, "So what are you suggesting?" I snarled venomously, "That I whither and die here, in a village where people don't talk to me, and literally -nothing- happens? I can't do that, Seifer. I won't."

"That's not what I'm suggesting at all." Seifer stated smoothly, "I'm suggesting you train a little as I pack." He tossed her his gunblade, sending a wicked grin toward the horrified Ellone, "I'll only be a few minutes."

"S-s-s-seifer!" Ellone shrieked, following at his heels as he strolled back toward the house, "You can't do this! Squall won't like it!"

"I'm very aware of that, Elle."

"And-- And-- and-- and.." She seemed to forget what she was going to say, but then her face brightened with remembrance, "What about the SeeDs from the other gardens! What if they hear about her, and come after her! This is the only place we can keep her safe, Seifer!"

"That would be why I'm going with her, Elle."

Ellone was getting despirate, "But she needs a guide!" She plead, "She can't afford to go off and start having adventures! She's too strong, and not properly trained!"

"Can't keep the bird in the cage forever, Elle."

"But--"

The argument went into the building, leaving me staring after them in a bit of shock. What had I just missed? I looked down at the black gunblade in my hand-- quite a bit heavier than mine was-- and felt a little giddy. Not only was I getting out, but Seifer was coming with me! Unfortunately, my little temper tantrum hadn't destroyed my little crush on him, but that was fine now, because he was coming with me! Yes, I was being immature about the matter, but I didn't particularly care.

My only regret was that he didn't reciprocate the feelings. Oh, what fun we could have had! If only, if only...

Seifer stuck his head out the window, "You don't look like you're practicing, Alex!" I knew he had only said it because Ellone was right next to him, continuing to argue. I looked up, and nodded, holding his sword out, and beginning to slash at the air. I half wished a monster would come in from the plains so I had a target. I found that his sword was harder to manipulate, nearly throwing me over the first time I tried a horizontal slash, but I continued to try, attempting to get myself used to its weight.

After about ten minutes, Seifer came out in a new change of clothes (The ones he wore in his actual youth), but without a suitcase. Ellone, however, had an empty and open suitcase in her hand as she stalked after him. "Seifer!" She continued to protest, "You can't do this! What am I going to tell Squall!"

Seifer shrugged, "Tell him whatever you want." He looked at me, and nodded approvingly. I'd found my balance with the blade. "Ready?"

I glanced at him, "Yeah!"

"Do you have yours?" He motioned toward the gunblade in my hand. I looked around. I had set it down _somewhere_ so that I could sneak back in during the night and steal it out. It was too hard to escape with a gunblade on my back. In the shadows of a planter I saw it, and went over to retrieve it. I tossed Seifers gunblade to him as I waved it in the air for him to see.

"Good. Let's go."

"Seifer!" Ellone cried.

Seifer didn't react as he started walking out of the town, trusting me to follow. I did follow, listening to Ellone's cries fade behind me.

"It's about damned time." Seifer sighed, wiping his brow and glancing around for a trainstation. "I love the girl but for christs SAKE she can get annoying." He glanced at me as I started giggling. The whole escape scene, and fact that I was doing it with Seifer by my side, was getting to me. "What?" He asked flatly.

"Nothing!" I cooed, glancing over at him, and then back forward.

He rolled his eyes, "Yeah, yeah..." He frowned, not seeing a trainstation anywhere nearby. "Up to a hike?" He asked casually, glancing at me, "'Cause it's gonna be a while til we find the trainstation."

"Fine with me! I'm just glad to be out of that damned town."

He laughed, "I'm sure."

* * *

**Authors Notes:** No, Final fantasy eight doesn't belong to me. Oh, and it's been a while since I played Final Fantasy eight-- they use gil, right? Not Gold? I can't remember...  
Now, to respond to my wonderful reviews: 

To all, I would just like to say thankyou for reviewing!

**Elle Leonhart**: Thanks for telling me. You're right, it _is_ supposed to be 'Selphie'. I can't believe I didn't see that when I went over it... Oh well, I'll try not to make that mistake again.

**Omega Gilgamesh**: Thanks for the compliment. I like trying to put actual emotions into my stories, at least, as well as I can. As for my labeling Ellone as a sorceress, I'll explain that here: Not many normal people can send people into the past, or the future, so I assumed she would be a very low level sorceress to be able to do so. Also, if I'm not mistaken (which I probably am) Odine mentioned something about, "In zis era, we have two sorceresses. Ze sorceress Rinoa, and ze sorceress Ellone." Because Edea had lost her powers.


End file.
